Friend-Zone
by Upsgirl88
Summary: The ZA isn't the place for romance. That's what she'd though. But alone, with so much time to think, Carol finally realizes that, for her, love is the best reason to live - to fight. She has 3 men who she knows would want her. But the only one she wants doesn't even know where she is. And even if he did... did she friend-zone him for too long?
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I haven't done a ZA fic for awhile and this one came to mind tonight so I decided to write the first chapter and see if anyone is interested. It was actually kind of fun to really reflect on how Carol might see the men in her life. Hope you enjoy. I'd love to hear your thoughts if you feel like sharing. One more week to go!_

 **Chapter 1**

The ZA isn't the place for romance. People die. Happy couples get ripped apart. Children lose parents. Parents lose children… She paused on that thought for a moment. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of Sophia - even the days she swore she wasn't going to… still - somehow her mind would find it's way to her daughter.

Romance, love, sex… three things that had never meant much to her. It was easy not to want something that she'd never truly experienced with any sort of joy. But it was also hard not to want to experience things that made others so happy. But what was the point? People die. And then what would she be left with? The same thing she felt when she thought of Sophia - a constant ache to feel that joy once again.

She hadn't always been so bitter about falling in love. There were moments, back on the farm and in the prison, that she'd really thought about it. She saw the relationship between Maggie and Glenn develop and it was beautiful. She'd even tried flirting a few times, to see what it felt like - to see what kind of reaction she would get. Carol thought about the scoffing, the pink in his cheeks. He pretended to brush her off, but truth was - he'd liked it, she was sure of it. So why hadn't she pushed harder? Why hadn't she let herself fall in love with him? There were times she thought maybe she had, fallen in love with Daryl, but then she convinced herself it just wasn't that type of love - for either of them.

But Carol had spent weeks reflecting on her life, both before and after the ZA began. She knew now that she loved him - and always had, right from the moment Sophia was lost and he put his mind, soul and body into finding her. She loved him, but she'd left him and he didn't know where she was or how she felt. She couldn't go back - not yet. She just wasn't ready for that. So she would stay, in her cozy little house, alone - well as alone as Ezekiel and Morgan would allow for.

Morgan was good about respecting her privacy, Ezekiel - not so much. But he was kind and Carol knew he was a good man who only wanted to help her, so she couldn't bring herself to tell him to fuck off. Morgan would show up and drop things off on her porch. Some days she would invite him in, only briefly, and other days she would wait until he was gone before she went out to see what he'd left. Again, it was sweet and thoughtful, but it annoyed her deeply that neither of them believed she could look after herself. Yeah, it was great to enjoy the fresh fruits and vegetables from the kingdom, but she didn't need them.

Morgan. Ezekiel. Tobin. Any one of those men would be happy to have her fall in love with them. She saw the way they looked at her. She knew how they felt about her. Yes, they were all good men in their own way. What she did with Tobin was wrong though - she knew that now. He was nothing more than an experiment. Her mind was so jumbled, she'd been so messed up - she thought something normal could fix her. What was more normal than playing house with a decent guy? That's what Tobin was - a decent guy. He would have treated her well, loved her deeply, did anything he could to make her happy - but she never would have been truly happy. Eventually she would have resented his weaknesses, his fears, the way he admitted he could never do the things she could - the things she didn't want to do anymore. That made him good - still so pure, and it also made him weak. She could never be with a man like that.

Then there was Ezekiel. The persona he'd created for himself was the epitome of brave and strong. He was king. He was a leader. People looked up to him and respected him. But everything he was to everyone but her was a lie - a big show. While she had deep respect that he'd trusted her with the truth and while she understood the need to become someone else sometimes - he'd created his whole world, his entire kingdom, based on this fake version of himself. He had his reasons, she understood that, but it was so different from what she'd done in Alexandria.

Carol created a persona to protect her family. It wasn't about giving people hope or bringing light and joy into their lives - it was purely and simply to do whatever necessary to keep the people she loved safe. Maybe that's what Ezekiel believed he was doing too, but she just couldn't fully get behind his show.

And then there was the fact that he continued to show up uninvited. He'd offered her a place where she could be alone and then never let her just be alone. Carol knew why. She knew he was enamoured with her, he was intrigued and curious. If she opened that door even slightly he would push right in, both literally and figuratively. But she didn't, and she wouldn't. The most he would ever get from her was friendship and some days she didn't even allow that. She was polite and showed appropriate gratitude, but she also made it clear she wasn't impressed by his visits - yet he still kept coming. Men were so goddam dense sometimes.

Morgan was the third option. They had a strange history in their relationship. She'd known from the start that he was smart and intuitive. While she fooled most everyone in Alexandria - Morgan saw through her from day one. At the time he was a threat to everything she'd worked so hard to secure and he was also a threat to her mental stability - he knew she was cracking and she didn't want to crumble. But she had and it was him who followed and found her. It was him who pushed her to find the will to live. It was him who saved her life while compromising his own morals to do such.

He was a special guy and perhaps the most like her from anyone who had graced her life. Morgan understood her, sometimes better than she understood herself - and that was scary. But as much as they were alike - their philosophy on how to live in this world was still too different - even though as of late they had both moved more towards the middle. There were other similarities - they had both lost a child since the turn, they had both been married and lost their spouse since the turn, they were both strong and independent and could survive out there alone, but Morgan still believed that everyone had good in them, that everyone still had humanity left - they just had to find it and Carol knew that some people were too far gone to ever come back, changed forever.

No, none of those men were right for her. From the moment she'd realized that love was her key to living, there was only one person that came to mind. Morgan, Ezekiel, Tobin… they were firmly in her friend-zone, just like Rick and Glenn and every other heterosexual man she knew - all except one. He was the one, the only one, she could ever imagine herself being with. He was her best friend. They had a connection that she couldn't deny and a similar past that shaped who they had become. He was strong and brave like Ezekiel, but he was real. He understood her better than she understood herself like Morgan, but they were on the same page with their fundamental morals and values. He was sweet and kind like Tobin, but he had done all the same things she had to survive, to protect his family. He was everything, all the best of the others with none of the their flaws. Daryl was the only one who she could ever give her heart to, the only one she would ever trust to make life worth living and make all the awful things she would have to do bearable.

But there was a major problem - he had no idea how she felt. How could he? She'd only discovered it herself after a lot of reflecting and soul searching. And even if she told him - there was no guarantee he felt the same way. She knew he loved her as a friend, a dear friend. They were family and always would be. But could he love her the way she loved him? Could she bear to find out and risk losing everything if it didn't go the way she wanted?

Carol took a deep breath and got up to put another log on the fire. She liked to keep the little house warm and cozy during the day so it would stay warm enough she didn't have to get up during the night to add more fuel to the fire. She threw the log on and eyed her rifle. She considered going out for a hunt, to get out of her head for a little while.

None of it really mattered at that point anyway. She wasn't going to ASZ to find him and he had no idea where she was, so it's not like he would find her. It was just one more thing to weigh on her mind. One more regret that she wasn't able to fix - not yet anyway. Alexandria was just too painful at that point. She'd spent too much time healing to go there and end up back where she was when she left. And if that happened it certainly wouldn't be fair to even attempt a relationship with Daryl - he deserved better than the damaged soul she'd been back then.

Another thought came to mind as she picked up the gun and prepared to head out. Would Daryl understand why she had to leave? Or would he be angry with her? Would he be able to forgive her for taking off without telling him? Without saying goodbye? She had so many questions already and more just kept coming. The biggest one of all, the one that was truly haunting her… Did Daryl deserve better? Was it fair to tell him how she really felt, to lay that truth on him? Maybe he was better off with a sweet and innocent girl, someone he could protect in a way that made him feel like a hero. Were there even any girls like that left anymore? There had to be, somewhere, right? Did Daryl want a woman would would be his equal? Someone who would save his ass just as often as he saved hers? Or did any of that even matter? Maybe the real question was far more simple - Could Daryl actually want her?

Carol sighed again and trudged towards the door. When she pulled it open she froze and then rolled her eyes. "Oh for Christ sake," she muttered. His Royal Highness was back - again. And she was in no mood to play nice.


	2. Chapter 2

Carol stood on the front step, hand on her hip - glaring at him, as Ezekiel approached. "Greetings fair maid…"

"Cut the crap," she snapped. "The tiger knows you're full of shit too." Carol looked at Shiva, who had a perfectly timed yawn that almost made her crack a smile.

"Ain't always easy to drop the act," Ezekiel said with a shrug and a smile.

"What do you want?" Carol asked. She knew she was being rude, but his constant visits were so damn irritating and she couldn't keep faking nice. "I have food and supplies. What I don't have I'll get myself."

"Well then, you'll be happy to know I didn't bring you anything… just this," he held out a beautiful red rose. It was really hard to stay annoyed by such a sweet gesture, but with the mood she was in his romantic gestures just didn't hit the way they might have on a different day.

She took the rose, but didn't soften. "You came all the way out here to bring me a flower?"

"Not exactly… but what if I did?" he asked, with a flirty grin. Fuck, he's either completely full of himself or incredibly dense, she thought. He at least had enough sense to know that he should get to his point. "I actually came to warn you there's a very good chance you're going to have a visitor."

Carol gaped at him. "You visited me to tell me I might get a visitor?"

"Well, when you say it that way it does sound kinda ridiculous, don't it?" he chuckled. "Perhaps I should explain."

"Yes, why don't you explain… quickly. I have plans," she replied, holding up the rifle. Carol knew she was being a colossal bitch, but she really just wanted to get out into the woods and focus on something other than all the emotional crap that was stuck in her mind.

"A group came to see me this morning, business stuff," Zeke explained. "Morgan knew them… and they asked about you. Rick, the leader… he was asking Morgan if he'd found you."

"Rick? Y-You met Rick?" Carol asked, fighting back the tears that were threatening. Her family. They came to the kingdom. They were asking about her.

"I did," Ezekiel nodded. "I know you likely don't want to see the people you left behind, so I just thought I should tell you that there's a good chance Morgan is going to tell them where you are."

Carol nodded numbly. He was right, wasn't he? She didn't want to see Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Tara… or whoever else might have showed up. No, she didn't want to see them. It was too hard - to painful. She loved them all so much, and her love for them was the whole reason she left in the first place. But Daryl…was he even there? She wanted to see him - no, she needed to see him. He was the key - to everything. "Did they say their names? Do you know who all was there?" she asked.

Ezekiel shook his head, "No, sorry. Rick was the only one who introduced himself. But um… I think I remember Morgan saying the name Tara. And there was another woman, with hair like mine…"

"Michonne," Carol interrupted, allowing herself to smile. She tried to fight off the feeling that was reminding her how much she missed these people. "Anyone else? Was there a guy in a leather vest with a crossbow?"

Ezekiel shook his head again. "Nope, no vest… no crossbow." Carol felt her heart sink. Daryl hadn't even come with the group. "There was one guy though, he was really pushing Morgan to tell him where you are." Must have been Glenn, Carol thought. She didn't even bother to ask Ezekiel to describe the man - it wasn't Daryl, so it didn't matter. "So that's why I came to warn you - I think Morgan will cave."

Before Carol had a chance to respond a sound caught her attention. She had got really good at identifying different noises and she knew what she was hearing was someone approaching on horseback. When the rider got close enough Carol wasn't sure if she was relieved or even more annoyed. "Fuck, who's next? Tobin?" she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Zeke asked.

"Nothing," Carol sighed, watching Morgan tie his horse on the fence and start up the walkway.

"Before you say anything… I was only going to drop off a note," Morgan said as he approached. Clearly he was much better at understanding what the scowl on her face meant. Indicating he was speaking the truth Morgan handed her a note. Carol took it, but didn't open the paper. "Didn't bring you a flower though," he added, glancing over a Ezekiel with a smirk.

Carol looked at the rose in her hand and gave it back to Ezekiel. "Give that to the cute little blonde girl with the curly pigtails. She would love getting a rose… from the King." She added the last part with a sarcastic, teasing intonation.

"As you wish," Zeke replied, right back in character with Morgan's arrival.

Carol turned her attention to Morgan. "So I'm told I might have a visitor coming? Another visitor," she said with slight annoyance, looking from one man to the other.

"I'm so sorry," Morgan replied. "I didn't want to tell him, but you know how he is… especially when it comes to you." His response caught Carol off guard. Glenn? He could be persuasive when necessary, they'd all learned how to be like that over the years. But what did that last part mean? It's not like her and Glenn were closer than any of the others. "I told him where to find you, I'm sorry," Morgan said sadly. He was really concerned about hurting her and about breaking her trust. She had made him promise not to tell anyone where to find her if they came looking and he swore he wouldn't. "I wouldn't have told anyone else… but I just thought maybe… maybe you would want to see him."

What the fuck was going on? Why did Morgan's eyes change like that? Almost as if there was a hint of jealousy there. She eyed Ezekiel who looked just as perplexed as she felt. "Is there something between you and him? Did you leave a suitor behind?" Zeke asked, looking both nervous and wounded.

"Yes," Carol snapped. "No... " she added quickly. "There's nothing going on between us… he's married," she hissed, looking at Morgan. Now Morgan's face looked just like the rest of them - totally confused.

Slowly though, his face changed. He must have put something together in his mind. "Carol," he said cautiously. "Read the note please." She blinked at him a few times and then slowly opened the piece of paper he'd given her. _Dear Carol, Rick and the group came to speak to Ezekiel today. They asked about you and I told them you left. I tried to lie and say I didn't know where you were, but Daryl wouldn't let it go. I gave in. I told him the truth. He's on his way here now. Please forgive me, Morgan._

"Daryl?" she whispered, as the note started shaking in her trembling hands. She looked up at Morgan, tears welling up in her eyes. "It was Daryl? Not Glenn? Ezekiel said there was no one with a leather vest or crossbow… I assumed he wasn't with the group…"

"He lost it again… not sure about the vest though... " Morgan explained.

Ezekiel still looked baffled and wounded. "Who is this Daryl to you?"

Carol didn't reply. She didn't know what to say. What was he to her? A friend? Her best friend? Family? The man she was in love with but who had no clue she loved him? "He's special to her," Morgan answered Ezekiel, but didn't look away from her. "And she's special to him - very special," he added.

"He's on his way here… now?" Carol asked, suddenly cluing in as to the inevitable event that was about to happen.

"Yeah, he's on foot. I took the long way on horseback, but I suspect he won't be more than another half hour at the most," Morgan replied.

"Daryl… he's coming… here…" Carol whispered to herself. It was as if she needed to hear the words out loud to make them real. She was suddenly struck with a sense of panic. He couldn't show up with Morgan and Ezekiel still there. What would he think? How would it change their reunion if they weren't alone? She didn't want to find out. "You two need to go," she blurted out. "You need to leave, now." Her tone was sharp and it surprised both men. But she didn't care. She wanted them gone and she didn't have it in her to protect their feelings right then. "Please go," she added, trying to urge them along.

Morgan understood, she could tell from the way he didn't resist and the way he smiled, even though her tone was so edgy. Ezekiel had no fucking clue what was going on - at all. But she didn't care. Morgan could explain it to him on their journey back to the Kingdom. "We're leaving," Morgan replied, nodding to Zeke.

"Carol," Zeke said, taking her hand and kissing it. "Be well."

She yanked her hand way and gave him a look. "Go," she said. With a nod he was gone, following Morgan down the path with the big tiger at his side. Once she was sure they were leaving Carol ducked back inside the house. She quickly put the gun away and looked around. Everything was neat and tidy - it always was. She had a lot of free time on her hands to make it so.

Then she looked down at her clothes. She had other things she could have put on, but she was already wearing her favourite pair of jeans, a fitted tanktop with a open long sleeved shirt over top. It wasn't like she was planning on seducing Daryl. The clothes would be just fine, she decided. She did opt to take off her boots and socks. The house was warm from the fire and she often walked around barefoot. It relaxed her and made her feel more comfortable.

Carol wondered if she should make food. No, she wasn't supposed to know he was coming. She could cook dinner for him if he wanted to eat later. She looked around again and all she could hear was her heart hammering in her chest, like a clock timer, ticking down. What was she going to say to him? How would she react when she finally saw his face? Did he miss her like she missed him? Carol knew he did. No matter what they were to each other in his mind, she knew Daryl loved her and missed her. Leaving him and knowing she would break his heart had been the hardest thing she'd ever done - and she'd done some pretty difficult things. She busied herself tidying up things that didn't need to be tidied while she continued to think about how this reunion might play out.

Carol could always sense when someone was approaching. Always. So whether she was just too distracted with her thoughts, or it was Daryl's ability to be stealthy from a life of hunting wildlife - she was absolutely not prepared for the knock on the door when it came. She jumped and her heart started to race. He's here, she thought. Oh my God… he's here.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thank you all so much for the kind words and for reading. I wanted to get this chapter (and hopefully the next) finished before the show comes back this weekend and particularly before some upcoming scenes. No spoilers for those who don't follow them :) But those who do will appreciate what I'm saying. I truly hope I was able to do this scene justice. I know some will love it and some probably won't, but I did the best I could to try to capture the emotion of what's I'm picturing in my mind. All the best to you all! Three more sleeps!_

 **Chapter 3**

Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. It was like that pivotal scene in a movie with the intense, dramatic music and the viewers on the edge of their seats, hearts pounding with anticipation. Carol opened the door, slowly, and even though she knew Daryl would be there, nothing could have prepared her for how her body and mind would react to actually seeing him.

It was instant - she gasped and the tears hit her eyes. He looked so good. He was dressed a little differently than usual. She was used to seeing him in his vest with a sleeveless shirt underneath, but he was wearing a long sleeved button down that pulled tight across his chest and shoulders. The rest was pretty much the same, but that one small change made a huge impact.

She tried to take a step forward, she wanted to hug him, to hold him and feel his arms around her, but the second she moved her knees buckled and she started to drop to the ground. Before her knees hit the floor she felt him grab her, softening the impact. But Daryl didn't pull her to her feet, instead he dropped with her and pulled her against his chest. "Shh, shh, it's okay," he whispered. It wasn't until she heard his voice that Carol realized she was sobbing. Even when she was aware of it she made no attempt to stop the tears. There were so many emotions inside her and they needed to come out.

Daryl was patient and loving. He stayed right there, holding her while she cried. Both on their knees in the doorway he offered her comfort like she'd never known before. He whispered words that she couldn't make out, but it didn't matter - it was the soothing tone that she needed to hear, not necessarily the words themselves.

When her tears finally slowed Carol lifted her head to look at him. He was crying too and it made her heart ache. She reached up, cupped his face in her hands, and just looked into his eyes. It felt so good to be that intimate and share such a deep connection with another person after being alone for as long as she had. But this wasn't just another person, this was Daryl and she loved him. "Thank you," Carol whispered. He could take it whatever way he wanted, whatever made the most sense to him, but she was thanking him for so many things, some of which he didn't even know about.

Slowly they got to their feet and when they were standing he hugged her. It was the more typical type of greeting they might have shared had the moment not been so emotional. "I've missed you," Daryl said, sighing deeply with content.

"Me too," she replied, speaking the God honest truth. No matter what state she'd been in, no matter what her plan or ultimate goal had been, the one thing that was constant was how deeply she missed him.

"Morgan told me where to find you," Daryl said as they parted. "Don't be mad at him - I was rather… uh… persuasive," he said, looking a bit sheepish.

"I know," Carol nodded. "He was here just before you, to warn me."

"To warn you," Daryl repeated, looking wounded. "Ya really didn't want to see me?"

"No… yes… yes, I did, but I couldn't…" Her voice trailed off, ending the rambling that was clearly confusing him. Carol sucked in a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. "Come sit… we have a lot to talk about." He nodded and followed her to the couch. They sat at either end, facing each other. There was so much she needed to say, but Carol had no idea where to start.

"I read your letter," Daryl said. "The one you left with Tobin," he added bitterly, giving her a look.

She nodded and exhaled deeply. She sensed the disapproval in his tone and she would get to that eventually. There was no point in jumping all over the place, she decided, the best place to start was the beginning. "Daryl, this all started a long time ago…" Carol drifted back into her mind as she started her story. She'd had a long time to think about her journey, why she'd made the choices she had but it was only very recently that she was finally starting to make peace with them.

"I don't think I ever properly grieved for Sophia," Carol admitted to begin. She saw the pain on his face when she mentioned her daughter's name. It still meant so much to her that Sophia was special to Daryl. He felt the loss deeply and it took a while for her to accept, but Carol realized that it was more than just losing any child - it was losing _her_ child. Their connection had been established long before either of them realized it.

"But I swore after she died that I was going to learn how to protect myself and help look out for everyone else - my family," she said, thinking back to the farm and learning how to shoot, and then getting to the prison where she'd become even stronger. "When T-Dog died…" It was still painful for her to think about T-Dog sacrificing himself to help her escape. "I swore I wasn't going to be a liability any longer. I made sure I knew how to use a knife and I got tough. I could do everything the rest of you could do. And then things started to build and weigh on me. Ryan died and I promised to keep those girls safe - I killed Karen and David to try and stop the spread of that virus…" She saw his face change. They never had talked about that, even though she knew Daryl was aware of what she'd done. "Daryl, they were going to die anyway - they were suffering…"

"I ain't judging ya," he said. "You did what you thought was right. Rick never shoulda sent you away." It was good to hear him say that. She knew he didn't often question Rick's decisions unless he thoroughly disagreed. Carol wondered what would have happened if Daryl had actually been at the prison when Rick banished her.

"It wasn't without remorse," Carol added, looking at him sadly. "Every single living person I killed… it weighed on me. But one… there was one that I'll never get over…" The weight of killing Lizzie was a burden she would bear her entire life. Before she told him the story there was something she needed to know. "When we were in the city, looking for Beth… I brought up Lizzie and Mika, but you didn't ask. Why?"

"You weren't ready to tell me," he said simply, with a shrug. "When you got back with the group you told me you didn't want to talk about stuff. Next thing we know we're chasing some car into the city… you just… weren't ready." Carol was taken back by how well he knew her. He was absolutely right. Telling him about the girls then would have broke her and she would have been no help to him at all in searching for Beth. The emotional state she would have been in could have got them both killed.

"I'm ready now," Carol whispered, looking away for a moment to compose herself enough to hopefully get through the story. To this day no one else knew. Only Tyreese and she was sure he took that secret to his grave. When she looked back she noticed Daryl had moved closer, just a bit, but it was noticeable and it was comforting that he even thought to do that.

Carol started her story, she spoke quickly so as to get out all the details before she lost the nerve. "I killed her Daryl. I shot that beautiful little girl in the back of the head and then buried her body with her sister on that pecan grove." She looked up at him and the tears filled her eyes. "What kind of person does that? What would people think if they knew?"

This time Daryl moved closer while she was watching him. "They would know how brave you are," he said softly as she looked away. "Carol, look at me," he said, touching her chin. "You did what you had to do - it was the right thing to do, you gotta believe that." Her breath caught in her chest and Carol struggled for air. In all the times she imagined telling him the truth, not once had she ever thought he would call her brave and tell her she did the right thing. There was always disappointment in his eyes and in some of the worst cases he looked at her like he didn't even know her. But right then… she didn't see any of that at all. He looked like he was… proud of her. "And you ain't gotta tell anyone if you don't want to. You don't have to be ashamed, but it no one's business anyway. It's done. You just gotta believe it was the only way because - it was… the only way."

Shocking her even further Daryl reached for her hand. He really had come such a long way from the man who flinched when she kissed his forehead. He was initiating contact now and offering comfort. Carol wasn't sure if he was progressing in that way with others, but she was grateful he was with her. After getting out the hardest part of the story and Daryl being so understanding, the rest was fairly easy. She went through all the things that kept adding more guilt to her plate - blowing up terminus and killing all those people, defending Alexandria from the Wolves and killing more people, and even killing those Saviors that kidnapped her and Maggie. She was already so messed up then and once again she had to kill to save herself and someone she loved. Maggie was pregnant - she had to keep her and the baby safe.

"And that brings me to Tobin…" She watched Daryl's reaction to his name and couldn't help but be a little pleased by the scowl she witnessed. Maybe there was hope for their future if he was feeling something that resembled jealousy. "You have to understand the state I was in," Carol said, her tone almost pleading for him to get it. "Everyone I knew and loved had done all those things I had, maybe not to the same extent, but we've all killed people… but some of those Alexandrians - they were just so innocent… I craved that freedom so badly." Carol felt her heart aching, for so many reasons. "I had to try," she said, squeezing his hand. "I had to try feeling normal. And Tobin was the most normal thing I could find. He was simple and kind and… well, boring almost - and that was what I thought I needed." She blushed as she continued, "And he gave me attention… looked at me like I was beautiful… made me feel like a woman…" She was hurting Daryl, she could tell by the way his hand went limp in hers and the way his eyes darkened. "But Daryl," she paused until he looked at her. "It was wrong. It wasn't me. And it didn't help - at all. If anything, it made things even worse because I believed it was my only chance and I knew it had failed."

He was still hurting and she needed to find a way to make it better. "You know why I left?" she asked. "I mean, do you know what the final straw was? What pushed me?" He shook his head. "When I saw how destroyed you were the day we buried Denise." He looked shocked. "I'm not saying it was your fault… that came out wrong, I'm sorry," she apologized. "Let me try to explain… You are strong and brave and so smart - you protect people… but there was nothing you could have done to save her, yet it broke you up. And this was a woman you didn't know all that well." He still looked confused. "I couldn't kill any more Daryl… that makes me weak. That made me someone you would have had to protect. And what if something happened to me? Maybe you couldn't have done a thing to save me… but if it was that bad for you with Denise - what would it have done to you if I died? I couldn't put that on you - or anyone. That's why I had to go."

"I ain't one to give advice, but… we can't live on 'what ifs,' He said gently. It was almost laughable that it had taken her weeks to come to that same conclusion.

"I know," Carol nodded. "I mean, I know now. But Daryl… I had to find a way to forgive myself and I had to find a reason to live." She licked her lips. "I'm still working on the former, but… I finally figured out the latter."

His face was both sad and hopeful at the same time. "What is it?"

Carol looked at him and her heart skipped a beat, then started to beat faster, both from the way she felt for him and the nerves of what she was about to admit. She studied his face, silent, trying to find the right words to tell him that he was it - he was her reason. Carol was terrified of his reaction. It wasn't like she would drop back into the hole she was in if he rejected her, but it would be a pretty big bump in the road that she would have to get over. The right words wouldn't come into her mind. She couldn't think of a thing to say that didn't sound ridiculous in her head. Why was this so damn difficult after everything she'd already told him?

She suddenly realized that the last hour was probably the most her and Daryl had ever talked. Their relationship had been built on the connection they shared and the way they were so often able to speak without words. That's when she knew what she had to do. She didn't need to tell him anything - what she needed to do was show him.

Carol moved even closer so their knees were touching and then with a trembling hand she reached out and touched his face. She inched closer to his lips, testing the waters to see if he would make any attempt to stop her, but Daryl didn't move. She grazed his lips with her thumb, barely touching them and she felt his body quiver. Still - he didn't back away. The only movement was his eyes fluttering closed. His face… God, it was so beautiful, so innocent and sweet. He was enjoying her touch, the intimate, delicate was she was touching his face. It gave her hope. Carol moved even closer so her lips were almost touching his. "This is what I want to live for," she whispered. And then finally she touched her lips to his… 


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. The flu hit me hard and I'm just starting to feel better now. Um, sooooo who's excited about Sunday? This chapter isn't going to happen, but we can dream right? :)_

 **Chapter 4**

His lips were warm and much smoother than she expected, even with the tickle of his facial hair. But the very best part was how inviting they were. Daryl wanted the kiss as much as she did and that meant everything. She pressed her body into his and Daryl pulled her even closer. The heat from him, from her, from the fire… it was making her feel dizzy. She could feel his hand on the small of her back and it made her want to smile. Not only was it his usual way of protecting her, but in this case it was also his assurance that she wouldn't pull away from him. Not a chance, Carol thought, continuing to kiss him tenderly.

She couldn't help but compare what was happening to other moments in her life. This wasn't how she'd kissed Tobin and it wasn't how she'd kissed Ed - even in the early days when she'd still loved him. No, this kiss was completely different. In the fairytales they would call this true love's kiss. It was special because he meant so much to her and she loved him - with her entire heart and soul.

Carol's entire body was tingling, humming with desire. She hadn't know when she took the leap of faith if Daryl would reciprocate or not, but now that she knew it made everything perfect. Their tongues brushed for the first time and Daryl moaned. It was so sexy it intensified the stirring inside her. They kissed until they were both breathless and finally Carol pulled back, gasping. She didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry or laugh… there was so much emotion inside her that she didn't know where to begin.

She shifted and curled up in his lap, laying her head on Daryl's chest. His heart was pounding and she was sure it had the same beat as her own. She felt him nuzzle her hair with his cheek. There was something so sweet and tender about him, so innocent, yet almost wild, feral even. It was like a contradiction that he could be so childlike, yet he was a sexy man who was clearly craving her in a way that was far from innocent.

She knew him. She knew him so well. And Carol knew he was waiting for her to decide what happened next. What did she want to happen next? Her body knew exactly what it wanted, but should they talk more first? Carol lifted her head and looked at Daryl - that's where she found her answer. He wanted her. His eyes were wild, so filled with lust it made her want to attack him. But she knew they both deserved so much more.

Carol didn't know a lot about Daryl's past. She knew more than anyone else, but she also knew he had secrets that he was embarrassed about and would likely never tell anyone. She knew he'd been abused by his father and had terrible scars on his back. She knew he was extremely self conscious about them, which meant his intimacy in the past had to have been limited. He'd never talked about a girlfriend or any woman from his past and she'd never asked. Carol knew he wasn't a virgin. She really didn't know how she knew, she just did. But what she didn't know was whether or not Daryl had ever been in love with a woman or had a woman in love with him. He needed to know how she felt - for sure. He needed to hear it.

She touched his face and then leaned in and brushed the bridge of her nose along his jawline, feeling him shiver. Then she looked into his eyes again. "I love you," she said simply. "Daryl, I'm in love with you," she added, when he looked unsure how to react at first.

She watched his eyes fill with tears and she knew the answer to her earlier question. "Me too," he got out. "I… I love you… Carol." Hearing him say those words back to her, along with her name, in the low, sexy tone of voice he used only with her… it was the most precious gift anyone had ever given her. She believed it. This wasn't just some guy saying he loved her to get in her pants, or saying he loved her because he was supposed to, or just saying it back because she said it first - no, he loved her - he really, truly loved her.

With tears in both their eyes they kissed again. It started out sweet and tender, but it didn't take long for the passion they'd been holding back for so long to take over. Carol tangled her fingers in his long hair while Daryl's hands settled on her hips, slowly drifting to her ass. Carol groaned when he groped her lightly, wishing she didn't have jeans in the way. She longed to feel his hands on her bare skin.

"Come on," Carol said, standing and reaching for his hand. She tangled their fingers as he dutifully followed her to the bedroom. How many times could this have happened before? How many opportunites had they had over the years? But it never would have felt like this, she knew that. This was the right moment - everything about what was going on felt like it was supposed to be happening, like all those other moments had led up to this one.

When they were in her bedroom she didn't face him for a moment, but she didn't let go of his hand either. Behind her their fingers were still intertwined and it was her source of strength, a reminder that he was, and always would be, there for her. Finally she turned and looked at him. It was getting dark outside, but there was still a bit of lighting coming in the room. "Are you nervous?" she whispered.

"Hmm," he said with a nod. "You?" Daryl stared at her from behind his hair, clearly hoping for a certain response.

"Oh yeah," Carol admitted, as her heart rate increased to remind her just how nervous she really was. "But it's gonna be okay, I know it," she whispered, stepping closer so she could put a hand on his chest to reassure him. "Not just okay, it's gonna be beautiful," Carol added, giving him a warm smile.

She let her finger slip down to his first button that was still done up and she popped it. Then she slipped off the shirt she was wearing over her t-shirt. Back to Daryl, she finished all the buttons as he watched, and then pushed it off his shoulders. Once his chest was bare she put her hands on it, feeling him tremble as she rubbed lightly. Carol leaned in and kissed him, just a light brush of her lips right below his collarbone.

Daryl reached for the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off. Strangely, she didn't feel at all self conscious in front of him. Taking turns, they slowly undressed each other. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't without awkward moments, like her almost falling trying to get her pant leg off, or Daryl's erection hitting her in the face as she bent to pull down his jeans. "Commando? Really?" she teased him.

Daryl shrugged, "They didn't have any boxers at Hilltop when I changed clothes. Just those tight white things…" He wrinkled his nose. Carol briefly wondered why he was changing clothes at Hilltop, but there could have been a million reasons and she had far more distracting thoughts in her mind, staring at him - naked and aroused. He stepped closer and reached around behind her, slipping his hands inside her panties and running them over her ass as he pushed the underwear down. Finally, his warm hands cupping her bare ass - it was even better than she could have imagined. He reached low and squeezed, then pulled her ass cheeks apart slightly. It drew so much attention to all the parts between her legs and Carol whimpered. He reached even further and she closed her eyes, focussing on how good it felt to have someone touching her there… no, not someone - Daryl. That's what made it feel so incredible - the knowledge it was him.

Carol couldn't think of anything she had ever wanted as much as she wanted him right then. She reached for his dick and stroked him slowly, just once, from base to tip and back down. He let go of her ass and she saw that wild look return to his eyes. It was time and she was so ready.

Carol moved to the bed and was about to lay down, but then changed her mind. Instead she guided him to the bed and pushed him down to sit on the edge. Then very slowly she straddled him, her hands on his shoulders holding herself just above his waiting erection. She was pleased he was allowing her to take him and didn't seem the least bit awkward about it.

As she spread her legs wider and guided herself towards the tip of his shaft Carol watched his face, trusting that her body knew where it was going by instinct. She felt their bodies make contact and she realized just how wet she was as she easily slipped down his cock, taking him fully inside her. His face as they were united was incredible to watch. There was so much bliss and awe, it made her feel amazing to know it was because of her - because they had become one.

Carol didn't move for a while and they were both okay with that. She focussed on how it felt to have him inside her like that - filling her up, making her even wetter. Daryl bent his head and found a nipple. He teased her with his tongue until it was stiff and then he sucked softly. "Oh God," Carol cried out. Her nipples were so delightfully sensitive, even a soft suck or flick of the tongue caused crazy things to happen inside her.

While he continued to tease her Carol leaned back a bit and very slowly she started to move on him, fucking him delicately, patiently. Daryl released her nipple and moaned, "Fuuuuuuuck."

She rocked her body keeping a slow and easy pace. It had been a long time, for both of them. There was masturbation of course, but it wasn't the same as being with someone you loved. The build she felt inside was quick and strong. Here she was worried that Daryl wouldn't have very long and it was her that was going to come ridiculously quickly.

She had to stop moving as the orgasm hit her and she cried out. Daryl immediately reached for her and pulled her against his chest, running his hands up and down her back gently. Carol was aware of absolutely everything that was happening with her body - from the euphoria that was flowing through her to the throbbing feeling at her core as she began to clench on his dick. She also felt everywhere he touched her and hear the sweet things he was whispering in her ear. Daryl said she was beautiful and he loved her and that made her heart swell in her chest.

When it was over she took a deep breath and then started to ride him again, but Daryl stopped her. He gathered her in his arms and stood up, with their bodies still united, then lay her down on the bed. He was ready to take over.

This time it was her turn to enjoy being fucked. Carol closed her eyes and sighed. It felt so damn good she wanted to scream every time he pushed into her. It wasn't surprising that it only took a few more strokes for him to climax. She treated him the same way as he had her, rubbing his body gently, whispering soothing words as he came. It was so beautiful to get to watch him orgasm and share that experience with him. When Daryl finally opened his eyes he leaned down and kissed her softly. "You were right," he whispered, before laying down beside her.

Carol smiled and cuddled up to him. She was right. Their lovemaking was beautiful. It wasn't anything wild or kinky, just two people who loved each other deeply expressing that love with their bodies. The air was starting to get cool so Carol pulled a blanket over them. She didn't want to move from that exact spot anytime soon. "We should uhhh… talk…" Daryl mumbled.

Carol lifted her head to look at him. "Shhh," she said, touching a finger to his lips. "Not now. In the morning, okay?" He nodded in agreement and she put her head back on his shoulder. She wasn't ready to figure out where they went from there - she just wanted to stay in the moment for a while longer. She wanted to cherish what they had shared and spend the night tangled up with him. And maybe… just maybe… she would reach for him in the middle of the night and see what round 2 would be like.


	5. Chapter 5

Carol was smiling as she made breakfast. She was actually smiling. It had been a long time since she'd felt so warm and content inside. It had been way too long since her head had felt this clear. She was in love - pure and simple in such a complex world.

She stopped working on the fruit she was cutting up to add another log to the fire. Her bare legs and feet were chilly, but she couldn't bring herself to get fully dressed yet. It felt like an ending to what they had shared the night before to put all of her clothes back on and she just wasn't quite ready to let that happen yet. So Carol added fuel to the fire and wandered back to her fruit in her tshirt and panties.

Before she was finished cutting up the apples she heard the floorboards creak and knew Daryl was approaching. She set down the knife and was about to turn, but he caught her in his embrace and hugged her from behind. Carol leaned back on his chest and enjoyed the warmth of his body. Without looking she knew he was wearing his jeans and shirt, but the shirt hung open and like her - he was barefoot.

She also knew he'd borrowed her mouthwash because she could smell the mint. It made her want to kiss him, so Carol squirmed around until she was facing him. "Morning," she said sweetly.

"Morning," he replied. Carol shivered. It had taken her a long time to recognize that he had that special tone of voice - just for her, but now that she knew it filled her with delight every time she heard it. She touched his face and Daryl turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand. "You snore," he teased, giving her a little smile that made his eyes crinkle.

"Only when I'm happy," she replied, moving a finger to his lips. She traced his bottom lip gently and then leaned in and kissed him. They had made love again during the night, just like she had hoped they would, and if she kept kissing him the way she was it was going to happen again. Reluctantly she pulled back. "Hungry?" Carol asked. He nodded and released her so she could finish what she was doing.

They sat down to a dish of fresh fruit and biscuits she had made the day before. "Ezekiel?" Daryl asked, holding up a piece of pear on his fork. Carol confirmed with a nod. "He visit a lot?"

Was that a hint of jealousy? She wondered, trying not to smile. "I've asked him to stop, but he won't listen," she replied.

"He likes you," Daryl stated. "You trust him?"

Carol wasn't sure how to take his statement. Did Daryl mean that he recognized Zeke was interested in her? Or did he just mean that he liked her as a friend? She quit thinking so hard. It didn't matter because that's all they were - friends, and all they would ever be. "He's a good guy," she replied. "He cares about people. Takes care of his own."

"Is that what you are now?" Daryl asked, looking at her curiously.

Carol shook her head. "No. No," she added with emphasis. "That's why I'm here - away from the Kingdom. Morgan - he stayed. He likes it there. He's happy. But I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want visitors… until you…" She licked her lips. "I didn't even know I wanted you here until recently." He had that wounded look again, but it faded quickly.

"Are you… are you gonna leave here now?" he asked hesitantly.

Carol didn't understand his hesitation or the careful way he was asking. Maybe he was nervous about her reply. "I can't go back," she whispered. "Not yet. I'm so sorry…" She wasn't expecting the relief on his face - it was the complete opposite of what she was expecting. "Daryl? What's going on?" she blurted out. Something was very, very wrong - she could feel it. "Daryl? Talk to me. What happened?" The panic was hitting her hard and a huge lump appeared in her throat. He was acting so strange. It had to be something bad. "Is everyone okay? Did something happen? Daryl?"

His face was so conflicted and she couldn't hold back the tears. Who died? That was the first question that came to mind. Who had they lost since she'd been gone? "It's fine. Nothing happened," Daryl replied quickly. He wasn't looking at her, he was looking at his food. Was he lying? "Everyone is fine," he added. "Maggie - she had some problems with the baby - but she's living at Hilltop because they have a doctor," Daryl explained.

"But the baby? It's okay?" Carol asked, feeling her heart race. She knew how dangerous pregnancies were and she still missed Lori every day. Daryl nodded. "Oh thank God. Glenn and Maggie must be so relieved." He didn't speak, but nodded again. Carol sucked in a breath and brushed away the tears. Maybe she had overreacted. "Negan?" She had to know. When they attacked the outpost they thought they were killing them all, but Carol knew there were still more - way more. She'd killed a few more when she first left Alexandria.

"Rick made a deal with him, same as Ezekiel and Hilltop too," Daryl replied.

Carol didn't like what they had to do - giving away their supplies like that, but it was all about survival and if that's how they had to survive she was confident Rick would make the right decision. It had taken her a long time to trust his leadership, but she did. He would keep their family safe. "You okay with that?" she asked Daryl.

He shrugged. "Ain't gotta like it. It is what it is." There was a wild look in his eyes that she hadn't seen since she'd spoke with him about Dwight after Denise was killed. It made her think there was something more, but Daryl carried things with him for a long time so there was a good chance he was still furious with himself for not killing Dwight like he had been that day.

He was picking at his food and she had a feeling he wanted to say something. "Talk to me," she urged.

He sighed and finished chewing. "You trust me, right?" This time Daryl looked at her with such sincerity it made her physically ache.

"Of course I do," she nodded. "I trust you more than anyone else in this world."

"Good," Daryl bobbed his head. "Because I have to go and I need you to not ask any questions."

"What?" she gasped. "You… you're leaving?" Carol had known he would leave eventually. Until she was ready to be around people again if they were going to have a relationship she would have to deal with him travelling back and forth between her and his home. She would never ask him to leave the others for her because if she truly wanted to do that to him, if she asked with her whole heart - he would do it.

"I have to go. Today," he replied, looking at her sadly. "But I swear to you - once I take care of things I'll be back. I will," Daryl said stubbornly, reacting to the look of disbelief she knew was on her face. "Carol - I'll come back."

"You have to tell me…" she started.

"I can't," He shook his head emphatically. "I know you. And that's why I can't tell you."

"So it's something bad," Carol sighed. "Something dangerous."

"Please stop," Daryl begged her. "You said you trust me - so trust me."

Carol knew he was stubborn. If he thought he was protecting her by withholding he wasn't going to explain no matter how hard she pushed. She could push him, she could push him hard, but she would only be hurting him and she didn't want to do that. "Okay," she whispered finally. "Okay, I'll trust you. But if you don't come back…"

"I will," he interrupted again. "Give me time… but I will… because… " He looked her directly in the eye, "I love you."

It didn't seem real - hearing those words from him. But it made her insanely happy. "I love you too," she replied. "Let's finish eating and then you can hunt me a rabbit before you leave," Carol added with a smile. "I know where to find some, but I just can't seem to hit the little assholes before they run off." Daryl was a good hunter. The best. He would get her a rabbit and she could make a delicious stew. It had been a while since she'd had meat, not that she really needed it, but it would be nice. Maybe it was just an excuse to keep him around a little longer, but he didn't have to know that.

It only took an hour and they were back at the cabin with two bunnies. Daryl cleaned one for her and was taking the other back with him. They stood awkwardly on the front step. "I don't want you to go," Carol whispered, stepping closer. She knew it was selfish of her to say that. It would only make him feel bad and make his leaving harder. But she couldn't help it. He needed to know that she wanted him with her.

"I wish I could stay," he whispered back, leaning his cheek against the top of her head. It was a long walk back to Alexandria, assuming that's where he was going. She wished she had a vehicle to let him take, but she didn't. Carol wrapped her arms around his slender waist. How had things changed so much? A week ago she didn't want anyone near her and now her heart was breaking because she didn't want him to leave her alone. But just him - just Daryl.

She clung to him and Daryl clung back. Carol didn't want to let go and it was obvious he didn't want to either. She also didn't want to cry but as hard as she tried she couldn't hold back the tears. But she was able to keep them silent, so he wouldn't know until he looked at her. When they did look at each other there were tears in both their eyes and it was strangely comforting to know it was just as hard for him to leave as it was for her to let him go. "You stay safe," he said, his voice choked with emotion.

"Nine lives," she replied with a sniffle. It was their little thing and it felt good to part on that little bit of tradition. Her hand trailed down his arm as he backed away and they held hands for a brief moment before he finally turned and left. They didn't kiss goodbye. They couldn't. Carol knew it would have escalated and they would have ended up back in bed only to go through the heartbreak of parting yet again a little while later. He also didn't turn back and she was glad because she would have ran to him.

Once Daryl was out of sight she went inside and started to work on her stew to distract herself. But instead of taking her attention away from everything it gave her time to come up with a plan. She knew he was keeping something from her - he had all but admitted it. Somehow she was going to find out what it was - even if it meant sending Morgan on a roadtrip. A pang of guilt hit her knowing she had enough pull to use him like that, but she had to know what was going on. She promised Daryl she would trust him but she just couldn't do it. She hated breaking her promise to him, but she couldn't lose him - not now, not ever. She would find out what was happening and she would do whatever it took to keep him safe - just like he was trying to do for her.


	6. Chapter 6

Carol was expecting she would have to wait 3-4 days before she would see Morgan again. Typically he brought supplies once a week or so. He hadn't brought anything two days before, other than a "warning" so she assumed he would keep to his usual schedule. It was going to make her crazy to wait that long before she could send Morgan off to Alexandria to find out what was happening but she would stew until he showed up because she didn't want to go to the Kingdom herself and find him. Ezekiel would be far too pleased with her visit if she did and at least if she waited a few days she was kind of keeping her word to trust Daryl - kind of…

But it didn't work out that way at all of course, because the very next morning she heard the horse approaching and knew Morgan was outside. Why would he be here again already? She wondered, heading immediately outside to meet him with a worried feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What's wrong?" She asked the second Morgan was within earshot.

"Nothin'," he said, walking closer. "Just bringing you a few things."

"Liar," Carol replied, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "Tell me what's going on. You brought food 3 days ago. You normally don't come back for a week." Morgan gave her a sheepish look. "Spill it Donatello," she snapped. Sophia used to love the Ninja Turtles and she had started calling Morgan Donatello in her mind but that was the first time she said it to his face.

"Like I haven't heard that one before," he muttered, rolling his eyes at her.

"You have?" Carol asked, feeling oddly disappointed. "Well it suits you," she added, giving him a smug look. "Anyway, tell me what's going on and why you're here?"

"I had a chat with Daryl before he left…" Morgan started. So he'd gone back to the Kingdom first. Carol had assumed he'd headed right for home. "He told me to keep a closer eye on you because he knows you… and he expects you might try to leave here…" Morgan was smirking at her, likely due to the huge scowl on her face. Daryl did know her - too well, it seems. "I promised I would, so here I am - keeping my promise to a friend." He gave her one of his sanctimonious looks that made her want to punch him in the face.

"Well I'm fine and here I am… still living in my little cabin, still being a good girl," she drawled. "And I need you to do something for me so I don't have to leave here on my own," she added with a sweet smile. Morgan raised his eyebrows. "Something is going on back home. I need you to go there, find out what it is and make sure everyone is alright."

Morgan's face changed and he looked away. Did he already know something? She wondered. "Can't go today, but I'll take a ride to Alexandria tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Why not today?" Carol snapped. She had been fully prepared to wait a few days before she would even see Morgan but now that he was here she wanted things done, asap.

"I have to go with Ezekiel and the knights to make the drop for the saviors in a few hours," he explained. "But I'll head out first thing tomorrow morning and see what's going on." He gave her a look, " as long as Ezekiel is okay with it."

"Fuck him," Carol blurted out. She wasn't much of a swearer but she was frustrated and Morgan was being annoying. "You don't need his permission to go home for a visit."

"It's his horse," Morgan shrugged. "And the Kingdom is my home now, this is your home…"

"No," Carol interrupted. "Alexandria will always be my home. It's where my family is…" Her voice drifted off as she thought of all the people she loved so deeply. She wanted to hold Judith and get baby snuggles so badly. She wanted to know how Maggie was doing and see how excited Glenn was to be a dad. She wanted to ask Sasha for help on her long distance aim with the rifle. She wanted to hug Michonne and tease her about being with Rick. And Daryl… there was so much she wanted to do with him in Alexandria. Slip into a hot bath with his arms around her, make love in a bed - her bed or his bed - in their house, make him dinner, a real dinner, in their kitchen. But it was all a dream for the time being. "Please Morgan," her voice softened. "I need to know what they're going to do… how dangerous it is…" His face changed again, that look like he was hiding something from her. "Do you already know?" She asked in a warning tone.

"No," he replied quickly, shaking his head. "But I'll go tomorrow and I'll come right back here to see you."

Carol sucked in a breath. First Daryl, now Morgan. They were both keeping something from her. But what? Did Ezekiel know too? Would he tell her? She decided she would give Morgan a day to report back and if she wasn't satisfied she would suck it up and go grill Zeke. "Thank you. You can leave now," Carol said. Morgan was used to it and he took no offence. "Oh wait, one more thing," she stopped him as he started to walk towards the horse. "Diane… she likes you. You should get to know her."

Morgan gave her a look and then a smile spread across his face. "Really? You think so?"

"Yep, definitely. A woman knows," she replied with a grin.

"Hmm," he said, turning to continue on his way.

The truth was… Carol had only seen Morgan and Diane together twice. But she did notice the way the other woman was eying Morgan and she was making an assumption that Diane's intrigue had only grown. It was actually a relief that Morgan also seemed interested. He had to know that her and Daryl were more than just friends, especially if Daryl had been back to see him before going to Alexandria. Carol was actually thinking that perhaps her and Daryl were the last to realize how they felt about each other. Everyone knows I love you but me, she thought, almost laughing out loud.

She waited until Morgan galloped off on the horse and then headed inside to prepare for her afternoon. Inside, alone, she couldn't help but think about Daryl as she started to put a few things in a backpack. What an amazing night they had shared. It was everything she could have imagined and more. And she wanted him… again, and again. But he wasn't there. He was somewhere else. And he was preparing to do something dangerous. Carol sighed and picked up her rifle. She decided to kill some time by cleaning it. She cleaned the rifle and her little pistol and then made sure they were both fully loaded.

Morgan had said they were going to meet with the Saviors in a few hours so Carol planned on following them and watching the interaction. While she waited she thought about the possibilities. Could Rick be planning to fight the Saviors? She knew Rick. She knew he liked to be in charge and he didn't let anyone push him around. Daryl had said they made a deal like Ezekiel with the Saviors. Would Rick really do that? Give away his stuff like that? Maybe their deal was different. Maybe the Saviors were giving them something in return… Carol was completely caught up in her thoughts. It made sense that Daryl wouldn't tell her if they were going to fight because he knew she didn't want to kill anymore. But it was just one option of many - thought it was most likely the worst, most dangerous option. The saviors were strong. Too strong.

Something came to mind and she felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier. Richard. He'd come to her and asked if she would convince Ezekiel to fight. She said no. What if Richard had moved on to other groups? Could he be involved somehow, she wondered.

And Morgan - what did he know? What was he keeping from her? Damn all these people and their secrets. Damn them for wanting to protect her. Damn them for loving her so much. That's exactly what it was. They would do anything to protect her, even lie, because they loved her. She knew because she was the same way. She would do anything to protect the people she loved. Lie. Fight. Kill. Anything.

It was time. She gathered her things and headed outside. It would take her close to an hour to get to the Kingdom on foot because she was going to sneak through the woods and stay hidden. When she got there she found a perfect view of the front gates, where they would leave from, and she waited.

Carol wasn't sure how much time had passed. Less than an hour for sure. But eventually the gates opened and the group came out. Some were on horseback and the rest were in a van that must have carried the produce they were taking to the Saviors. Luckily, she knew the drop site wasn't far because there was no way she would be able to keep up with them.

She let them get a lead and then followed, staying out of sight. It wasn't long before she couldn't see them anymore, but she followed along side the dirt road, keeping an eye on the tracks left by the horses. Eventually she approached a little compound that was mostly fenced in. She could see the Kingdom group waiting. Richard, Morgan, Ezekiel, Benjamin, Diane, Jerry, Daniel and a couple others that she couldn't remember their names.

There was no way she could get any closer than she was without being spotted. She circled around the compound looking for a spot with a better view and finally found one, just as another vehicle arrived. The Saviors were there. She watched and waited, unable to hear the exchange. But it was clearly going south and Carol felt her stomach start to knot. Richard and another man were pointing guns at each other and another man took away Morgan's stick. Benjamin reacted to Morgan being hit and all of a sudden she heard a gun go off and Richard dropped to the ground.

She instantly lifted her rifle and took aim. Things were bad. Really bad. She couldn't risk a shot without potentially hitting someone she didn't want to hit. Ezekiel was yelling, but he was also pointing a gun at a Savior. Somehow in the madness she saw a man raise his gun, aimed right at Ben's head. She couldn't just watch and do nothing. He's just a kid. Carol aimed and took a shot the same time the man fired. She hit him in the head and his shot went off wildly, hitting Ben somewhere. She watched him fall to the ground and Morgan move to his side. And then… guns started going off, including her own. There were 5 Saviors left and she immediately dropped 2 of them. Another was wrestling with Morgan, there was no shot there at all. She saw Diane get one with her bow as Daniel fell to the ground. Carol couldn't tell if he was hurt or dead.

There was only one left and it was a risky shot. If Jerry moved she would hit him… Carol got the man in her sights and shot. It was a perfect hit. Maybe she didn't need that chat with Sasha afterall. Zeke walked over to the man fighting Morgan and held the gun to his temple. The man stopped, but Ezekiel blew his brains out, clearly in a state of rage. People were looking around, wondering where the shots had come from… wondering who had helped them.

The adrenaline was coursing through her and the guilt hadn't hit her yet, but it would come eventually - it always did. Carol came out of her hiding spot and waved, then made her way around the fence and into the compound. Richard was dead. Daniel was hurt - badly. And Benjamin was shot through the shoulder. He would survive, but they had to get Daniel to the doctor immediately. Jerry and Diane got him in the van and took off.

"What the hell?" Carol asked, breathlessly.

Morgan was putting pressure on Ben's wound. "This is happening Ezekiel. You know it is," Morgan said. "Tell her. Tell her everything," he snapped.

Ezekiel looked at Carol and gravely nodded. "Looks like we're preparing for battle."

"Everything," Morgan insisted. "She needs to know the truth."

Carol's heart was pounding in her chest. The truth? What had they been keeping from her? The only thing she knew… from the looks on their faces… was that it was bad. Very, very bad.


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Thank you all so much for reading and continuing to follow this story. I really want to finish this one before we see the version of events that will actually happen on the show. I don't want to be influenced by what really happens, so I can give you my romanticized version of events instead :) There will be one more chapter after this one. Hope you enjoy. I'm actually really nervous about how people will respond to this one, so I hope it's satisfactory for most. XOXOXO_

 **Chapter 7**

Carol's heart was pounding with fear and anxiety as she wait for Ezekiel to speak. Morgan seemed to have Ben's bleeding under control, but he would definitely need stitches. Luckily it was just a graze and the bullet hadn't actually went through him like she'd thought initially. Ezekiel seemed to be collecting his thoughts and finally he spoke. "Your friends that came to visit the Kingdom…" he started. "They came on business. But they weren't looking for supplies or to trade goods… Rick was asking the Kingdom to join him in a fight."

Carol's heart sank. She knew it. She knew there was no way Rick would just take a deal where they were giving stuff away to a dangerous bully. "The Saviors?" she asked, just to confirm what she already knew.

Zeke nodded. "Alexandria and the Hilltop have already joined forces, but the Saviors still outnumber them greatly."

Carol narrowed her eyes. "But you said no?" He nodded again. "Why?" She followed Ezekiel's gaze towards Morgan. "Morgan?" she said, asking for an explanation.

"I thought there was a better way than to just go into battle. I worried about all the people we would lose… all the people we would have to kill…" Carol could see the internal struggle Morgan was having. But then something changed. "But I know now that it has to be done. Innocent people are being murdered for no reason… Kids are getting hurt…" His voice was different, like something scary and vicious had taken over inside him. He had demons and they were rising. That scared her a bit, but she trusted he could keep them under control because he always had as long as she'd known him - except that time she pushed him a little too far…

Carol shook off the thought and turned back to Ezekiel. "So now? Now you'll fight?"

"Indeed," Ezekiel replied looking down at Richard's body and then at the wounded Benjamin.

"There's more," Carol spoke up. That wasn't the entire story, she knew there was more. "Tell me what else you're hiding from me?"

Ezekiel shook his head. "Tell her," Morgan snapped. "Tell her or I will."

"No," Ezekiel replied angrily, giving Morgan a warning look. "She needs to hear it from them… from him," he said, still glaring at Morgan. "I will make sure Ben is taken care of and the knights will help deal with Richard and these bodies. You and Carol are going to take two of those horses and you're going to take her to Daryl."

Carol's heart started to beat wildly and she felt dizzy. What could be so bad that Ezekiel wouldn't just tell her? People were dead. That had to be it. But who? And how had it happened? There were tears stinging her eyes. "Just… just tell me who's dead," she whispered, her voice shaky with emotion.

"Nah, he's right," Morgan replied as he got to his feet. "You need to be with your family when you hear what happened. You're gonna need him - more than you ever have before."

Carol felt the tears pouring down her cheeks. Her entire body was filled with terror. "Then let's go. Now," she snapped, moving to the nearest horse and climbing onto it's back.

Ezekiel walked over and pet the horse's nose. "You tell Rick Grimes that the Kingdom is with him. We will support him in this quest - and we will come out victorious."

Carol nodded and swiped at the tears. She reached out a hand to him and Zeke took it. "Thank you," she whispered. She was thanking him for so many things, other than agreeing to fight. She was thanking him for recognizing that Daryl was the man she wanted to be with, and for knowing that she needed to be around the people she loved to hear whatever this horrendous news was. Morgan had got on a horse as well and was ready to go. With a final squeeze she let go of Ezekiel's hand and took off behind Morgan.

They let the horses run for a bit and then eventually Morgan slowed the pace and she moved up beside him. "How long does it take to get to Alexandria?" she asked.

"About an hour, but we ain't going to Alexandria," Morgan replied. She gave him a curious look. "Daryl will be at Hilltop… and some others…" he added. It was an ominous statement, she recognized that, but she didn't understand it. She was so frustrated with not knowing what was going on that she wanted to scream. They needed to get there soon. She needed to talk to Daryl and hope that this time he would tell her everything.

"You need to know something…" Morgan said gently. "Daryl… he was with them for a while but he escaped." Carol's breath caught in her chest and she struggled to breathe. "I don't know if he will tell you that or tell you what happened. I ain't sure if he's actually told anyone what happened. But Negan is a psychopath - it couldn't have been good." Carol listened, but couldn't speak. "He wants revenge, not just for the reasons he will tell you about, but for reasons he likely won't mention too."

"That's why he's at Hilltop?" Carol asked. "Negan is looking for him?" Morgan confirmed with a nod of the head. She didn't ask anything else and Morgan didn't give her any further details, if he even knew any more about Daryl's capture anyway. They rode the rest of the way in silence. She thought about what she'd just done. It was the same thing over and over again. She didn't want to kill, but she couldn't lose people she cared about. In the past, each person she added to her kill tally would put more weight on her conscience and when it got to the point where she felt that one more would break her - that's when she ran. And as she tried to escape she'd had to kill more, yet she was still able to bear the burden, even though it was crushing her. But the men she'd killed that day… they weren't pinning her down like she expected they would. The guilt still hadn't hit her. But it would, eventually, wouldn't it? Carol wondered. Nothing had changed… or had it?

Before she could figure anything out she saw walls and realized they had arrived. She stopped her horse. "I… I can't go in there," she stammered. Carol hadn't even thought about the fact that she would be walking into a community filled with people, some of which she knew. "Will you go get Daryl and bring him to me?" she whispered, praying Morgan would understand.

Morgan tied his horse to a tree and dismounted. "I'll send him out, wait here," he replied without hesitation. Carol was thankful and managed a weak smile of gratitude.

As he disappeared inside she got off her horse and tied it up as well, then started to pace. There were several old cars lined up along the side of the road, being used as a barrier, so she went over to the nearest and sat on the hood. The last few days had been insane and things were only going to get worse. She wondered if she was equipped to handle it all?

In less than 5 minutes she saw him. He scanned, spotted her and headed in Carol's direction. "So much for trusting me, huh?" Daryl muttered as he approached. He wasn't angry with her, not at all. He seemed almost like he'd been expecting her. That's because he knew her - so well.

Carol started to cry and stood up, moving into his waiting arms. "I'm sorry… I just knew it was bad… and then with everything that happened today…" He gently kissed her forehead in a romantic gesture of comfort. It was sweet and it made her heart flutter thinking of all the times she'd done the same for him, long before either of them had known just how romantic the gesture truly had been.

"Morgan already told me," Daryl replied, hugging her even closer to hold her protectively against his chest. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

"I'm okay," Carol said with a sniffle. She pulled back and wiped her teary face off on her sleeve. She was being honest - for the time being she was okay with the killing from earlier. "Daryl…" she looked into his eyes. "Who died… who is gone? How did it happen?" She barely got the words out and she was crying again. She couldn't help it. Someone or maybe even more than one person she loved was gone. He pulled her close again and nuzzled his cheek against hers. Carol could tell he was stalling, but it felt so good… the calm before the storm, so she was okay with waiting a little longer to have her heart crushed.

"Sit," he said finally, motioning towards the car hood as he released her. Carol sat down beside him and immediately Daryl reached for her hand. She got the sense he needed the comfort as much for himself as for her. It took him a while to get started, but when he finally did tell her what happened Carol had to run behind the car and vomit. Glenn and Abraham had been beat to death with a baseball bat in front of the entire group. In front of Maggie and Sasha.. Rosita. In front of a child… Carl liked to think he was a man, but he was still a child as far as she was concerned.

Spencer and Olivia were also dead… She hadn't known them well, but she did know they didn't deserve to die no matter what stupid move Rosita had tried to pull. And Eugene… he was with Negan now… if he was even still alive.

Carol heaved several more times and the next thing she knew Daryl was with her, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry," she muttered finally. "I'm sorry." As Morgan expected Daryl hadn't told her about being captured. He hadn't mentioned it at all. But it wasn't the time to ask him about it. She would eventually, and she knew if Daryl was going to talk to anyone about what happened it would be her. She let it go for the time being though - there were too many other things bombarding both of them. She knew Daryl was in pain, having to relive the moment to tell her about it, but also because she was hurting and that hurt him too.

Carol was so filled with conflicting emotions she didn't know which to display. She felt rage towards Negan and the Saviors, her heart was breaking for Maggie and Sasha, she felt terrible for Daryl because she knew from the look on his face when he told her that he believed Glenn's death was his fault, she was consumed with grief for the family she'd lost - especially Glenn who she had known from the very start. But once again, like it had been for so long, guilt was the emotion that chose to dominate her. This time it wasn't guilt for killing - it was guilt for not killing, guilt for leaving and not being there through this terrible tragedy.

"Maggie... " Carol got out. "Where's Maggie? Take me to her Daryl, please?" She swiped away the tears and stood. "I need to tell her I'm sorry. I should have been here… maybe I could have done something…" Daryl tried to speak but she didn't want to hear it. "Don't. Just take me to her." He nodded and they headed through the gates into a new community she'd never seen before. Her heart was heavy, maybe even broken, but Carol knew the way she felt couldn't compare to what Maggie had gone through. She could only hope that Maggie would forgive her for not being around all this time. The guilt Carol was feeling was immense, but it was also necessary because finally… finally she realized that she was exactly where she belonged and where she would stay - standing side by side, ready to fight, with her family.


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: Phew, I was able to finish this one before the show caught up - that was really important to me. Thank you all for reading, it means so much. And also thank you to those who left reviews along the way they are so appreciated. I was inspired by Greg and Norman saying that Melissa was a good singer and I couldn't help but work that info in for the end of this one:) Maybe someday we will get to hear Carol sing on the show. Thanks again! Love you all. Hope you enjoy the conclusion._

 **Conclusion**

The second Carol and Maggie saw each other they both started crying. She looked so good, beautiful with the pregnancy glow that some women are blessed with, but Carol could see an emptiness in her eyes that only came from losing someone important and it was like a knife to her heart.

They hugged, and held each other for a long time. By the time they finally parted Daryl was nowhere to be seen. He'd left to give them privacy to talk. Carol couldn't help but feel like she was missing something with him gone, but she had Maggie and they had a lot to talk about.

Maggie led her to the little apartment she shared with Sasha and Enid. "There are more places like this…" she started, as they took a seat at the table. "You can stay in the one 3 doors down tonight… or for as long as you want…" Maggie didn't push any more than that and Carol was thankful.

After nodding in acknowledgment she reached out and took Maggie's hands. "I know you probably don't want to talk about this…" Carol said softly. "But I need you to know how sorry I am…" her voice cracked and the tears started. "I should have been there… maybe I could have done something…"

"No, no," Maggie said fiercely, shaking her head. "Carol, you couldn't have done anything… no one could." There were tears in her bright green eyes once again. "I'm glad you weren't there. Because you're here now and you're alive."

"I know but… I should have been here for you… for Sasha… everyone, in the aftermath," Carol persisted, swiping at the tears. "I know about Daryl too," she added, feeling her chest tighten at the thought of all he must have faced being held captive.

"He told you?" Maggie looked surprised. "He's never talked about it with anyone."

Carol shook her head. "No, I don't know anything more than the fact he was captured. Morgan told me." She paused and looked at Maggie for a moment. "God, I'm so sorry," she said again dipping her head.

"Hey, you don't need any more guilt than what you're already going through," Maggie said gently. "It's okay. If it wasn't Glenn it would have been someone else…"

"But it was Glenn," Carol interrupted. "It was him and now you're alone. The way he loved you Maggie," she sighed. "It was so beautiful." There were tears rolling down Maggie's cheeks and Carol felt bad. She didn't mean to upset her, but she just had to tell her. "You deserved to be happy, to start a family, to show the rest of this shitty world what true love looks like. And that disgusting asshole took that way." Carol's eyes flashed. "He will pay for what he's done. He will," she insisted.

"Hey… hey… it's okay," Maggie whispered. Wait, what was happening? Maggie came around the table and hugged her. "You just found out… you didn't know…" Was Maggie comforting her? "We've all had time to deal with this, but you haven't." Finally Carol let go of the guilt and allowed Maggie to hold her while she cried. She cried for Glenn and Abraham who she'd spent so much time with over the years. She cried for Spencer and Olivia who she was just getting to know but considered family. She cried for Daryl and everything he'd gone through. And she cried for everyone else, who had suffered the losses as deeply as she was.

When her crying finally slowed Maggie stepped back and looked at her. "You're right," she said. "Glenn was the love of my life and I'll never have that again. I don't even want it again. But I still have a piece of him," Maggie rubbed her tummy and smiled. "And you're also right about that asshole - he will pay. We're going to fight and we're going to win."

Carol nodded. "The Kingdom will help too. Ezekiel wants me to let Rick know… and I guess whoever runs this place…"

Maggie smiled, "I think that might be me."

"Yeah?" Carol grinned back at her.

"Gregory is a huge dick," Maggie sighed, sitting down again. "He refused to fight the Saviors, but Enid talked to the others and many of them want to fight with us. She brought them to me… we're gonna do this Carol. We're gonna teach them, make them strong… and Negan won't have a clue what hit him."

"I would like to stay here for a while," Carol said. The words were coming out before she'd really even clued into what she was saying. "I can help teach them."

Maggie's smile got bigger and she was nodding her head. "That would be amazing. You're the biggest badass I know… Oh…" she cut herself off and frowned. "I'm sorry… that was so insensitive."

"No," Carol shook her head. "It's okay. What Negan did… what he continues to do… it changes everything. I don't want to kill people, no one does, but I can and I will to protect the people I love." It was all starting to become clear to her. This was life now. Maybe once they dealt with Negan things would calm down a bit and they could live a more peaceful existence, but there would always be threats. She wanted to live because she was in love and because she was loved. And living meant doing everything she could to protect the people she cared about. She would be okay with it because she had to.

"Speaking of love…" Maggie said, with a twinkle in her eye. "Promise me something, please?" Her tone changed to something different, almost desperate. "Don't waste a second. If you have the chance to be in love, let it happen. Don't fight it. You never know how long you've got."

Carol bit her cheek to keep from smiling. "Is there someone specific you're referring to?"

"Well it sure as hell ain't Tobin," Maggie scoffed. "Oh shit, I'm sorry…" She gave Carol a sheepish look. "Seriously, what was that?"

Carol sighed. "I plead temporary insanity." She could have explained things, she could have defended Tobin because he really was a good man with a kind heart, but she didn't bother because it didn't matter anymore.

"You know who I'm referring to," Maggie said, crossing her arms. "It's always been him Carol. Probably even longer than Glenn and I were together." She met Carol's eye. "He loves you, I can see it - everyone can see it - but you… and I think… I think you love him too."

Finally Carol couldn't hold back the smile any longer and she let it spread it across her face. "He stayed the night at my cottage," she said.

Maggie looked confused for a moment and slowly it sank in. "You two… did you?" Carol giggled. "You did? Oh my God. Finally," Maggie gushed. "I'm so happy for you," she said, reaching for Carol's hand. "We need to see people in love in this world…I need a reminder some days that there's still good and there's still things worth fighting for." It felt so good to see Maggie smile like that. "Hmm, I guess you don't need that place 3 doors down," she teased. "Two doors down should work," she said with a wink.

They chatted a little longer and Carol decided it was time to go find Daryl again. They had things they needed to talk about - if he was ready. And if he wasn't… she just needed to be close to him for a while - she hoped he wouldn't mind.

She got lucky and found him in the first place she looked - the little apartment he was living in. Carol knocked on the door softly and in a matter of seconds he opened it. It took her breath away to look at him. Daryl had showered and changed his clothes, but hadn't fully dressed himself - likely because it was getting dark and he wasn't going out again. He was shirtless with a pair of dark grey Nike joggers on the bottom, but they were a bit big and hung extremely low on his hips… Carol didn't see any sign of underwear yet again. Clearly he was very opposed to the selection Hilltop had to offer, and she was quite alright with that.

"C'mere," he said, opening his arms to her. He knew what she'd just been through. He understood and he'd been in the exact same place himself. The pain and the guilt cut deep and didn't just go away when the conversation was over. They would be there for a long time to come, just like for Daryl. He turned their bodies, moving her inside so he could close the door. Carol put her head on his shoulder and tucked her face into his neck. He smelled so good, like fresh soap and some kind of fruity shampoo. Carol smiled knowing fruit scented shampoo wouldn't be his first choice, but they were lucky to even still have shampoo at that point so they couldn't be picky. "You want to take a bath and relax?" Daryl asked, drawing back.

Carol considered it. Having a warm bath in her little cottage was a long process of heating up water, so most of the time she took a quick cold bath but here they had the same luxuries she'd had in Alexandria and she could easily sit in a steaming tub and soak. But she decided against it because she wanted to talk to Daryl and let him know she was aware of his capture. "Not right now," she replied, shaking her head. "Can we sit and talk for a minute?"

Daryl had a little loveseat in the corner so he led her there and they sat. She took a breath to calm herself and then spoke, "Daryl, I know you were taken prisoner by Negan and escaped. I know that's why you're here and not at Alexandria." His eyes darkened and she could see him physically tense so she moved closer and put her hand on his leg in a gesture of comfort. "You don't have to tell me what they did to you, unless you want to, but I just wanted you to know you don't have to hide it from me," Carol said, lightly rubbing his leg. "I know you didn't want to upset me anymore and I love you for wanting to protect me, but I promise you I can handle it." She managed a smile, "So if you want me to loathe that disgusting psychopath as much as you… I'm ready to listen." Daryl hung his head. "I'm so sorry for everything he did to you," she whispered, as she placed a hand on his face and touched her head to his. "I know it must have brought back really bad memories for you too," Carol added, thinking of the scars on his back. "Just know I'm here… and I love you… and I'll do anything I can to help."

Daryl shifted and Carol felt his lips touch hers. It sent an electric tingle through her entire body. He turned towards her and eased her back onto the couch as he continued to kiss her. This is what he wanted. Daryl was telling her that this was what she could do to help him. He was also telling her even more with his kisses and the way he was so tenderly caressing her body - he loved her too.

If she was being honest, this was exactly what Carol needed as well. The day had been long and incredibly emotional. So much had changed and she was mentally spent. But physically - she had just enough left to enjoy every second of making love with Daryl - for her and for him.

He stopped kissing her long enough to get some of her clothes out of the way, and then moved his mouth to her nipple. Carol arched her back and moaned. His hands were working off her pants and she quickly helped him, then tugged his down as far as she could reach. Daryl released her nipple and got the rest of their clothes off. Then he laid down and pulled her on top of him. Carol stretched out her naked body over his, skin on skin. She could feel his erection pressing into her belly as he drew her lips back to his once again.

They stayed that way for a long time, just kissing and exploring each other's bodies. She loved the feel of his hands moving over her back, squeezing her ass, then rubbing the back of her thighs before moving back up. His touch was light at first and it resulted in goosebumps tickling her skin. But slowly as the kissing heated up, so did the way he was touching her and finally he pulled her legs apart and her thighs forward so he could rub his dick along her slit. Carol gasped and sat up a bit, closing her eyes. She knew she was turned on, but had no idea just how much until he started to tease her like that.

She only needed to shift a bit… Carol raised up and the next time he moved forward she pushed back, taking him completely inside her with a sigh. He continued to move holding her waist, so Carol leaned back and let him fuck her, enjoying every single stroke.

She'd had sex before, but with Daryl is was actually love making. It was so much more intimate and emotional that what she was used to in her past. It was more than just physical urges, though that was also a big part of it, but there was a need that went way beyond hormones. He wasn't just a lover - he was her best friend in the world and they'd been friends first. It meant something that they'd gone for so long without bridging the physical - it meant they were connected in a way that few people experienced with their mate or spouse simply because their journey was so vastly different.

Daryl never sped up, he just continued to fuck her slowly, like he was cherishing and worshipping every second. Carol felt the fire raging inside her and when it started to build she opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes were something he kept hidden from most people, behind his hair, squinting most of the time, but his hair was off his forehead and his eyes were wide open as he looked back at her. She was lucky because he was giving her a glimpse inside him that no one else got to see.

She was getting so close and the urge to shut her eyes was strong, but she fought it off and kept looking at him. When she whimpered and her body jolted slightly she let Daryl see every bit of the bliss he'd created in her and she knew by the look in his eyes that it was exactly what he needed. He made a little sound and his grip on her hips tightened. As Carol enjoyed the feel of her body's reaction to the orgasm she also got to see the beautiful changes in his face and eyes as Daryl came too. By the time it was over his eyes were glistening and she had tears rolling down her cheeks.

Without a word he got up and carried her to the bed. Carol sat and leaned back against the headboard pulling the blankets over her legs and Daryl climbed under the covers and put his head in her lap. "I don't wanna talk about it, not yet," he said softly. "But when I do - it'll be you. You're the only one I want to tell… the only one I can…" his voice trailed off and Carol smiled. "Can you sing me that song?" he asked, shocking her. "The one you were humming in the kitchen?"

Carol had no idea he'd been watching her long enough to hear her humming the other day. She thought back, wondering what song it was… Then it came to her. It was one of her favourite songs in the world. It was one she'd sang in church with the choir for a funeral once. It was beautiful and she always worried she didn't do it justice. "Will you please?" he asked again, interrupting her thoughts.

Carol stroked his hair. "Of course," she whispered. She took a deep breath and started to the song. _"I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do ya? And it goes like this the 4th the 5th, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composing Hallelujah."_ She hadn't even finished the second verse before he was snoring softly.

She stayed there and continued to stroke his hair, more for her own benefit than his by that point. She thought about their relationship and how special it was. It was hard not to be maternal with Daryl because he had so many child like qualities and a need to please people, a need for someone's approval. But that was just a circumstance of their personalities and her need to take care of people. Carol knew she was a mom, through and through, but that didn't mean she didn't understand what it meant to be a man's lover, his partner, because Daryl was truly that - her partner. Their relationship was so beautifully symbiotic - the way she gave him the comfort he needed and the way he protected and worshipped her. Women need to be wanted, as much as they need to be loved - and Daryl was able to give her both of those things - he always had, even though their relationship manifested differently now.

Though he was sleeping she finished the song anyway. As the words and music moved through her, right to her soul, with the feel of Daryl sleeping on her, the silkiness of his freshly washed hair - Carol was content. She knew they had a huge fight ahead and were very likely going to lose people, but it was necessary to make sure everyone left could live without fear. She thought about Maggie's words and how she shouldn't waste a second of the time she had with the man she loved and Carol smiled. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his temple then resumed singing. She knew, for the time being at least, that everything was going to be okay.

 _"I did my best, it wasn't much_

 _I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch_

 _I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you_

 _And even though it all went wrong_

 _I'll stand before the Lord of Song_

 _With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah."_

 **THE END**


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